BOSTON MA (DDP) – Benjamin Franklin was arrested earlier today shortly after he and the rest of the Founding Fathers materialized out of thin air, surprising a group of soccer moms in the play area of a Chik-fil-A.
Franklin, who originally traveled through time when a fifth grader accidentally invented time travel, returned to his own era yesterday to “fetch George Washington” and other fellow members from the Revolutionary Era.
In describing the men’s unanticipated arrival, several of the soccer moms said that a pinpoint of light appeared and then suddenly exploded, seemingly “depositing” the men in its stead. When the women realized the blast was from the past, they each scrambled to be the first to tweet the event, while the patriots stood in shocked silence.
Franklin was the first to break the men’s silence. One woman, who had left her cell phone at home to charge it and was able to fully pay attention to his words, reported that he said, “What the–“ before punching through a wall and apologizing to the other men for the “accidental stop at Woodstock.”
Picketers outside the restaurant saw the men through the glass windows and rushed inside, believing a conservative group had staged some type of publicity stunt inside the controversial restaurant in support of colonial-era marriage traditions. Once inside, a shouting match quickly ensued, during which one soccer mom dropped her smartphone trying to video the event for youtube; however, once the picketers realized that Franklin was shouting, “–limited government, mine kind friends, but they thus falsely did interpret such to so mean an increase into–“ they quieted quickly.
During the melee, a Massachusetts Congressional Representative stopped in for an original Chik-fil-A. sandwich and crinkly fries. When the situation was explained to him, he quickly phoned police, who arrived minutes later and arrested Franklin for several violations of the recently enacted “Fees, Taxes, Regulations and Requirements for Infinity-Based Time Travel” legislation.
In a brief press conference shortly after the arrest, a spokesperson for the Representative told incredulous onlookers that Franklin had violated the mandate against both bringing back another party from another time period, as well as against visiting the colonial era.
He said, “While we wish we could welcome the original founding fathers into our generation, the possibility exists that they might attempt to interfere or influence this generation, which could lead to devastating results.
“Franklin broke the Infinite Mandate within 24 hours after it was passed, and he told police when he was arrested that he’d brought the other men back to ‘help him set our generation straight.’”
After the spokesperson rubbed his temples a moment, he continued, “We certainly can’t allow their antiquated notions about their Constitution to cloud our modern day progress. Arresting Franklin right off the bat will, hopefully, scare the other Founding Fathers enough so that they’ll go back to where they belong and not dog us anymore.”
Editor’s note: The Depressed is watching the events and will issue updates as they unfold.
This blog is solely a product of the author’s imagination. It is a spoof. It is fiction. It did not happen and is meant for entertainment purposes only. Please see the It’s a Spoof Page for more information.